Dear God,

I’ll try to be honest this time.

I have a problem.  I’m sure you already know that. I mean, you are, after all, omnipotent. I guess that’s what bothers me. Knowing…

I’m tired of coming home to a cold empty room. Video games and dvds don’t do justice anymore. Building lego blocks and implementing algorithms is not enough.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I miss you. Yet I still keep trying to find comfort else where. Prayer and reading your words, that’s what I tell my youth group kids to do to find you, yet I try to find you else where.

I miss myself. I used to be so confident. I remember being happy over the smallest thing. I remember seeing a beautiful flower on the sidewalk made me happy. I remember reading a good book and it inspired me. I tried to replicate those moments but it just wasn’t there. I don’t know where it all went.

This semester was a disaster. I was over burdened and pressured with so much work that I became bitter. Which probably will reflect on my GPA soon. I remember myself being excited in the beginning of the semester, going to the library to study, reviewing and previewing lectures. But somewhere along the way it fell apart. I don’t know how.

I got a letter from my old friend Jordan Betz. He was one of my geek friends in high school. I still remember talking to him in Chemistry class about the sour nature of citrus acid. Anyways, the letter said that he’s been happily married to a molecular biologist and has a 2 year old daughter. I got really jealous. I saw myself and realized that I’m in my 26th year with nothing but failing grades.

I know. This letter sounds like a real drag. I’m re-reading it right now and I’m ashamed of myself.

I was driving home after dropping the kids off and thought to myself, “Tim, this is not your life.” But that didn’t help.

Now I don’t even know what I’m talking about.

God, I need help. I’m supposed to be your light, instead I’m being a little kid.

Hope you understand.

I’m going to try to sleep.

Good night.

Timothy Kim.