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Timothy Kim::Blog - my life in words, verses and rhymes
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I want

I want to love again.
I want to fall asleep hoping to dream about love
I want to look forward to the next encounter
I want to deliver a sonnet glittered with my heart
I want to jitter at the thought of love’s face
I want to be the reason for the smile
I want to lift my voice and yell “I love you” 

But I can’t

So I will be in silence
My expressionless face will carry my day
I’ll shiver at the cold wind blowing through my chest
No pen will I ever pick up to paint my mind
For I have nothing to look forward to 
I will dream not of love but of emptiness
I want to love again 

s.m. Timothy Kim

Writing sad poem is so much more fun! 

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Perfect Spouse?

요즘 많이 드는 생각이다.

예전엔 이성과의 관계에 있어서 내가 상대방이 원하는 모습으로 내 자신을 고치고 바꾸려고 노력했었다. 예를 들어 패션이라곤 아무것도 모르는 내 자신을 바꾸어 볼려고 옷에 돈을 투자 한다던가, 평상시에 즐겨하는 조크를하지 않는다던가, 머리속에 떠오르는 geeky한 생각들을 남과 나누지 않는다던지 많은 노력을 했었다.

하지만 요즘은 나와 비슷한 여자를 찾는것이 더 나을것 (빠를것?) 같다는 생각이 든다. 나 처럼 컴퓨터를 가지고 노는것을 좋아하고, 새로나온 technology에 흥분하며, 비디오게임을 즐기고, 같이 DRM에대해 심각하게 토론할 수 있는 geeky한 여자가 좋지 않을까 싶다.

Ada Lovelace그런 생각을 하던 도중 Ada Lovelace란백작부인을 접하게 되었다. Ada는 세계 최초의 프로그래머로 근대 컴퓨터가 생겨난지 100년전에 벌써 기본적인 프로그램 컨셉을 디자인 하였고 그 프로그램을 계산할 수 있는 기계도 디자인 하였다. 거기다가 생긴거까지 미인이셨다.

Opposite이 attract한다고 이야기 하지만, 이 부인은 나의 관심을 사로잡기에 충분하였다.

어디 이런 여자 없나?

[post script]

요즘 많이 외롭긴 외롭나보다. 백과사전에서 죽은 여자에대해 읽고 좋아라 하고 있고… -_-;;

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My Sentiment

My sentiment expressed in the geekiest way possible.

Let n be the binary representation of π.

And, let s be the 30bit substring of n starting at 1862047722th index.

Finally, let f(x) be a function of binary string into alphabets such that x is divided into substrings of length 5 and following mapping is applied 00001 = a, 00010 = b, 00011 = c … and so on. ( 00000 is a space). (i.e. f(101000100101101) = tim) Assume always that length of x is divisible by 5.

Then my sentiment towards you can be summed up as following:

I f(s).

Inspired by: http://pisearch.lbl.gov/

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Prayer

Dear God,

I’ll try to be honest this time.

I have a problem.  I’m sure you already know that. I mean, you are, after all, omnipotent. I guess that’s what bothers me. Knowing…

이 글 마자 읽기, Read the rest of this entry »

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No fun

Empty Jam Bottle

잼이없다… -_-;;

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The L word

It might be lonelier
Without the Loneliness—
I’m so accustomed to my Fate—
Perhaps the Other—Peace—

Would interrupt the Dark—
And crowd the little Room—
Too scant—by Cubits—to contain
The Sacrament—of Him—

I am not used to Hope—
It might intrude upon—
Its sweet parade—blaspheme the place—
Ordained to Suffering—

It might be easier
To fail—with Land in Sight—
Than gain—My Blue Peninsula—
To perish—of Delight—

- Emily Dickinson

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Hug problem

On the internet, it doesn’t take too much effort to find an argument about an issue that has no clear cut answer (e.g. Conflict in Iraq, Microsoft vs. Apple, VI vs. Emacs, and of course Halle Berry vs. Jessica Alba). And whenever such topic come up, millions of people write in their two cents defending their side. Soon or later, the writings become personal.

Today I encountered yet another argument about what aspect of data should be stored in a database rather then being generated in a code. After reading the article, I was expecting a barrage of anger driven comments to follow. Sure enough there were plenty.

But among those the following caught my eye:

“I see a hug problem: you need a hug.” (direct link)

And it was then I realized that every problem can be traced back to a hug problem. I guess this is what you call an enlightenment…

I think I have a hug problem. Can anyone give me a hug?

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Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

So, I’ve known you for some time now and I really appreciate all that you’ve done for me. Maybe appreciate is on the bit of weak side, but you know what I mean. But anyways…

You know that movie called “Jerry Maguire”? Of course you do, you are omniscient, for God’s sake! Well… in that movie you know how Tom told Renee that romantic line, “You complete me.”? Well… I’ve been teaching my sunday school kids that that is a lie and only You can complete us.

Trust me, I wholeheartedly believe that it’s true. But I gotta confess. I’m feeling awfully incomplete these days. I can’t see to figure out what it is. You have given me everything that I asked for, school, work, family, church, etc., yet I feel amazingly lonely.

I don’t think it’s one of those, I need a girlfriend loneliness neither. I don’t know what it is. These days, I’ve been doing lot of stuff by myself lately: like biking, watching movies, going out to eat at a decent restaurant, and more. Before, these things used to be so much fun for what they are whether I do it alone or with somebody. But not these days.

Ok, I’m rambling… -_-;; Maybe I’m going crazy, I don’t know. All I know is that I miss You… much.

I should sleep… I’ll talk to you again, soon…

Yours truly,
Timothy Kim

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どうしてかしら?

今日, とてもさびしいだ…

-_-

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Dear Lord,

I miss You…

That is all for today.


아직도 생생하고 기억한다. 이 일들이 처음 시작된 날을. 대준이네 살때였다. 아마도 2005년 10월 쯤이였을꺼다. 내 방안에 혼자 앉아 내 자신에 대해 놀란 날.

그 이후 벌써 2년이 다되가고 있다. 하지만 변한것은 별로 없다. 그동한 마음을 굳게 먹어도 질때가 너무나도 많았다.

매일같이 내 자신에게 변명만 하고 살아온 지난 2년. 이 싸움은 언제 끝이 날까?

St. Agatha를 조금이나마도 이해 할 수 있을거 같다…

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