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Timothy Kim::Blog - my life in words, verses and rhymes
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Work without Hope

by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

21st February 1825

All Nature seems at work. Slugs leave their lair -
The bees are stirring - birds are on the wing -
And Winter slumbering in the open air,
Wears on his smiling face a dream of Spring!
And I the while, the sole unbusy thing,
Nor honey make, nor pair, nor build, nor sing.

Yet well I ken the banks where amaranths blow,
Have traced the fount whence streams of nectar flow.
Bloom, O ye amaranths! bloom for whom ye may,
For me ye bloom not! Glide, rich streams, away!
With lips unbrightened, wreathless brow, I stroll:
And would you learn the spells that drowse my soul?
Work without Hope draws nectar in a sieve,
And Hope without an object cannot live.

내가 하고있는 일들이 하나님의 계획안에 중요하게 사용될것이라는 소망이 없다면 무슨 의미가 있을까? 또 그 소망이 있다면 그 일들을 어떻게 해나갈 것인가?

비가온다…

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Bored at work

Sudo make me a sandwich

Inspired by http://xkcd.com/149/

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Lack of heart

마음이 없는곳에 열심을 가지고 일을하기란 여간 어려운일이 아니다. 졸업을 코앞에 두고있는 나에겐 학교 연구실일에 신경을 쓰기가 너무나도 힘이 든다. 물런 썸머 인턴쉽, 교회일, WASPAW일 등등 다른 일로 엄청 바쁘다는 것도 이유가 될수 있겠지만 마음까지 없으니 얼마나 연구실일 하기가 힘든지 모른다. 주어진 모든일을 열심을 다해 최선을 다해 할수있는 어른이 되고 싶다…

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Coffee

Cup of Coffee

I hate coffee.

Let me rephrase. I don’t understand coffee. Maybe I should put it in a context.

So this is my third week since working here at OMB and I’ve adjusted fairly quickly into the routines of the office. Wake up at 7:30. Shower. Get Dressed. Walked to the metro station. Grab breakfast (always sausage egg and cheese). Arrive at my desk by 9. Start to fall asleep by 10.

Using my strong will, I try to stay awake until lunch time. My will usually wins during the morning time, all thanks to its strong comrade called appetite for lunch. Then comes 12, when I grab lunch for a mid battle break. But lo and behold, another battalion of sleep army marches in as soon as this mid-day cease fire is over. Come 2pm, my will and the sleep army is entrenched in battle, once again.

And my will loses… always…

I tried afflicting pain to myself, tried light exercise (walking), and even tried pouring water into my eyes. But to no avail, I fall to my knees in the might of slumber, every time. In order to gain some footings in this one sided daily battle, I needed some new arsenal. And weapon of choice as a commanding officer was none other than coffee.

And so far it has worked… to certain extent.

Now that I have provided with some context, let me get back to my main topic of discussion. I don’t understand coffee.

Bitter

At first, I tried drinking it straight up black, as I was recommended by certain individuals. After one sip I thought to myself, “How the heck people drink this bitter crap?” This is not the first time I had coffee. I’ve had tasted coffee before, of course. But I never drank it enough to have some kind of palette for coffee. And the black coffee was a reminder why I never picked up on the 18 billion dollar industry.

I tried adding milk to sooth the taste. But I was faced with slew of confusing options: powder cream, regular milk, 2%, half-and-half, skim… Yet to my inexperienced tongue those accompaniments did nothing to enhance the experience.

Sugar was worse. Regular, natural sugar, cube, sweetener, SPLENDA, syrups… After deciding to go with the safe route of regular sugar packets, I dropped in 2 packets. Did nothing to the taste. Added one more. Nothing. Another one. Nothing… After about 8 packets, I was able to taste the hint of artificial sweetness of the coffee, I mean sugar.

To my surprise sugar and milk did nothing to rid of the bitter taste of coffee. I was able to taste BOTH bitterness of the coffee AND the sweetness of the sugar at the same time. What the heck???

I just don’t get it. People pay insane amount of money to get a cup filled with bitter black water. Then they add milk to make it white. Which they top it off by adding sugar to get rid of the bitterness that’s inherent to coffee. Why not just drink apple juice? It’s already white and sweet.

They say it’s an acquired taste… but I don’t know if I want to acquire this taste. I think I’ll rather take caffeine pills to stay awake.

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Burning out…

Burning

일이 많아지고있다.

지치지 않도록 조심해야하는데 생각보다 힘이 든다.

블로그를 계속해서 업데이트를 못하고 있는것만 봐도 알수있다.

예전엔 글을 쓰면서 생각을 가다듬고 나만의 생각의 시간을 가질수 있었는데 요즘은 그것마자 못하고 있다. 

조금 시간을 내서라도 blogging을 다시 열심을 내서 해야겠다.

밥을 너무 기름지게 먹는지 24시간 피곤하다.

일하는 곳에 gym이 있어 운동을 하고 싶어도 아침에 시간에 마추어 일어나기가 힘이 든다.

일찍자도 늦게일어나는 내 모습을 발견하곤 한다.

옆에서 응원해주는 사람이 있었으면 싶다.

하루일과를 마치고 들어와 쓰러져 잠에 들기전에 힘들었냐고 물어봐 주는사람이 있었으면 한다.

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Work


주위에 조금만 둘러보아도 일자리 때문에 힘들어하는 사람들이 수두룩하다. 일때문에 자유롭게 공부를 못하며 교회를 통해 하나님을 섬기고 싶어도 하지 못하는 사람들이 많다.

난 내가 좋아하는 일을 별로 힘을 (relatively) 드리지 않고 돈을 많이 받으면서 할 수 있는 career를 가지고 있다. 하지만 그것을 놓고 하나님께 감사한적은 드문거 같다. 오히려 안타깝게도 나의 학력이 올라갈수록 또 내가 가지고있는 기술의 수와 질이 늘어 갈수록 나의 일의 가치를 느끼기가 어려워 지는것 같다.

감사하는 삶…

감사할것이 많아지면 많아질수록 어려운것같다.

아직 성숙하려면 멀었다…

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Passion

Trevor Howard on having passion for your profession

Good God, some of the new young actors say they don’t know whether they wanted to be actors or not! I cannot understand this. To me, it is like saying you can’t make up your mind whether or not you love a certain woman. If you don’t then take a walk.

In acting, as in love, there is no place for indifference. — Trevor Howard

꼭 acting이 아니여도 적용되는 멋있는말 같다. 자신이 지금 하는 일에대해 어떠한 opinion도 없다면 그 일의 가치는 과연 존제할까?. 그 아무리 수천명의 사람을 살리고 세계에 큰 영향을 끼칠 수 있는 일이라 하여도 자신이 그 일에 대해 indifferent하다면 어떠한 의미도 지니지 않을것 같다.

오직 사랑, 곧 그 열정만이 가치를 부여한다.

내가 사람의 방언과 천사의 말을 할찌라도 사랑이 없으면 소리나는 구리와 울리는 꽹과리가 되고 내가 예언하는 능이 있어 모든 비밀과 모든 지식을 알고 또 산을 옮길만한 모든 믿음이 있을찌라도 사랑이 없으면 내가 아무 것도 아니요 내가 내게 있는 모든 것으로 구제하고 또 내 몸을 불사르게 내어 줄찌라도 사랑이 없으면 내게 아무 유익이 없느니라 - 고전 13장

But where did my passion go? 

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My Working Desktop

This is what my computer screen looks like when I’m working…

Work Screenshot

Click on the picture to see it in full resolution.

In case you are wondering, I was creating a cms for gwu cs website using Ruby on Rails.

Applications Running:

  • Adium: for IMing
  • TextMate: for editing source code
  • Safari: for looking up documentation/tutorials
  • Terminal: for running the server, creating scripts, and debugging
  • iCal: to keep track of my schedule
  • iTunes: for musical ambiance for the working environment
  • Colloqui: for IRC chat about the Rails development
  • Cyberduck: for uploading scripts to the development server

It’s amazing how productive I’ve become in past couple weeks.

1년남았다~ 으라차차~ 

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No fun

Empty Jam Bottle

잼이없다… -_-;;

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Smoking vs Reading

SmokingSo at my work, my boss and this other guy who works there takes smoking breaks every other hour. They take about 10 minutes to just chill outside the office talking about how they hate their job and blah blah. And during that time I sit inside the office churning out fake teeth for some guy named Ahmad. I figured this isn’t fair. I mean, just because they are smokers they get breaks during their work hours.

So to take matters into my own hands, I decided to take breaks during my work hours as well. If they are smokers then I’m a reader. So I naturally, I brought in a book of my own and started to take breaks. I read my new book (which I will review soon) by Yancey. And it was at the end of the 4th chapter when my boss found me reading.

“할일이 쌓여있는데 책읽고 있어요?”

errr…

What’s up with that? If people can taking smoking breaks, I demand a reading break!

I want to live in a country where people are not judge based on their favorite pasttime. I thought America was all about that?????

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